The grass is NOT greener on the other side.

JUNE 30, Monday                                                                                                          

Another volunteer arrived today. Line (pronounced Leena) is a teacher from Denmark. I immediately felt a connection with her. In some ways she reminded me of myself when I first came to Tanzania.

One of my flip flops has come unglued. I love these shoes as they swaddled my feet for 7 months in 2012 while I journeyed around Africa. Neema also had some sandals in need of repair so was going to find someone to fix them. When I returned home my flip flops were good as new and cost me a mere 42 cents to put back together.

Neema and I walked for about an hour today. These are among my favorite times. It is a beautiful countryside and gives me such a sense of serenity.

JULY 1, Tuesday

Jenn had expressed a wish to visit TAFCOM so today I met her at the daladala stand. We had received quite a bit of unexpected rain so the walk to TAFCOM was an extra bonus to her experience of Pasua. Evidently the rain was worse in Moshi so the other volunteers did not come. It was a pleasant and productive morning. Jenn was eager to help. We finished organizing the folders and notebooks for both the Volunteer Information and the Micro Loans. I also taught a short English lesson on politeness and the use of “I’m Sorry” and “Excuse Me.”

Jenn was planning to stay for lunch. I had also invited Sigrid and Marcel who leave at the end of the week. They have been living in private housing and eating most of their meals in town. They were anxious to have some home-cooked food. Everyone arrived around 1:00. Neema outdid herself. She made traditional Chips Masala and added guacamole to it. The plate was decorated with a tomato cut like a flower. Mango/Passion juice accompanied our meal. Sigrid and Marcel will be traveling in Africa for a while before returning to their Social Work studies in Germany. We talked about their plans and the places they will visit.

Neema and I visited Nie’s mom who lives on the next road over from our house. She grows mchaichai which is the lemon grass used for tea that I have become totally addicted to. I also discovered that it is really agreeable when mixed with coffee. Nie’s aunt is still there recovering from her surgery plus a number of other family members were visiting. We chatted for a while, although I mostly listened to their Kiswahili. Nie’s aunt is doing well and should return home soon. Mama Nie gave us a good-size cutting of mchaichai and we headed home for dinner.

JULY 2, Wednesday
The tailoring women are working diligently on making various items for me. I pop in periodically to see how they are doing. I am probably more of a nuisance because I keep coming up with different design ideas. Maulida is also going to produce some more batik for me to bring home which I am very excited about.

Nie is planning home visits for tomorrow so we talked about the families we will see and some of their needs. We also discussed our meeting Friday with Hanna from Tanzania Volunteers.

I was walking home and almost at the turn to my road home when I witnessed a motorcycle accident. I first heard the motorcycle and could tell he was driving too fast. As I watched him approach he hit a ditch, lost control and slammed into some bushes. Along with some others who were walking by, we ran over to the man. Fortunately he was not transporting anyone. He got off his bike quickly and seemed more dazed than hurt. He was wearing a helmet which most likely prevented serious injury. I worry so about the children getting hurt because of some of these crazy drivers.

JULY 3, Thursday                                                                                                   
The reality that next week is my last full week is starting to sink in. I try not to think about it. As I was getting ready this morning I heard these little voices. Several of the TAFCOM kids that live around here had shown up to walk to school with me. I was going a different direction to meet Nie for our home visits so could not go with them. My heart totally melted.

We visited Rehema and I gave her a framed picture of her kids that I took on our last visit. I also gave her more water bottles for her cooking oil. We gave out more toilet paper tubes asking families to let us know how much they like them. I now also have volunteers saving both water bottles and tubes. I think this could be a small business venture for someone!

While visiting Jasmine, she affirmed that the toilet paper tubes worked well for her. Her leg is healing but swollen again. I offered to cover the expense as this is something she has needed for a long time. It requires a two night stay in the hospital and will cost approximately $50 for the procedure, meds and hospital stay.

Jasmine has always had a reddish hue about her face. As Nie was talking to Jasmine she asked her about a mark on the side of her face. It looked like a burn. Jasmine admitted that in the past she had used skin bleaching products. I was quick to tell her that she was beautiful and begged her not to do this.

Skin bleaching is an issue among Africans that dates back to colonization in the late 19^th century. I met students in the Amsterdam airport who were coming to Tanzania to study this issue. It had piqued my interest so I researched the topic and found some fascinating articles. (http://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-20444798 http://globalfusionproductions.com/global-style/skin-bleaching-colorism-a-global-dirty-little-secret/

http://jezebel.com/p-g-backs-black-is-beautiful-doc-sells-skin-lighteni-476509650)

The reasons for skin bleaching vary but skin lighteners are mostly used because Africans want “white skin”. Researchers have linked this phenomenon to colonialism when white skin defined beauty. Psychologists add that low self-esteem and even self-hate are also common factors. One article stated, “Entrenched in the minds of many Africans from a young age is the adage ‘if it's white, it's all right’, a belief that has chipped away at the self-esteem of millions.

I was both intrigued and disgusted by the history of colonialism’s influence on these beliefs. Digging deeper into this topic I found the following: “Years of African colonization along with the physical & mental enslavement of Africans throughout the Diaspora brought about the idea that lighter was better in the minds of African descendants because it brought one favor in the fact that it meant one was mixed with the genetics of the master, the superior race- the White race. This beauty ideal of colonizers & slave masters became cemented throughout the continent & carried on thru African descendants around the world as a badge of honor for some & a dirty little secret for others centuries after emancipation & continues to plague people of color even today.”

The issue of skin lightening became prominent in the news with Michael Jackson and more recently with baseball player, Sammy Sosa. In Africa there are several famous musicians who readily admit to lightening their skin. Their rationale is that it makes them feel more beautiful and confident. One musician was very blunt in expressing the sentiment that black people are seen as dangerous and he is treated better now because he looks like he is white.

The use of some of these creams have been linked to leukemia as well as cancers of the liver and kidney. Skin conditions, some serious and most irreversible, can also result from use of these creams. Some creams contain harmful steroids and others mercury.

Several documentaries have been made in recent years about the prejudice of colorism. Two that were mentioned in my research include Dark Girls (2011) and Imagine a Future (2013). Interestingly, Imagine a Future received backing from Proctor & Gamble, one of the major companies that sells skin-lightening creams all over the world!

There is a scene in the documentary that takes place in a market in South Africa. Lebogang Mashile, a South African poet, actress and activist is asked about the problem of skin bleaching. Ms Mashile replies: It’s been a problem for a long time. It’s self-hate, it’s not having enough mirrors that affirm you.”

I am not going to expound on my feelings and emotions around this topic because they would burn a hole through these pages. Suffice it to say that I am very glad that I started buying and making home-made personal care products.

Some might compare skin lightening to the Western world’s obsession with tanning. I would not agree that it is the same. I see tanning as a vanity issue whereas the skin lightening of people of color goes much deeper, as the research reveals.

I included the quote about not having enough mirrors that affirm for several reasons. First and foremost it was a poignant statement that needed to be heard. On a personal note, I do not have a mirror in my room. I have found this to be fascinating because the lack of a mirror makes it impossible to really care about my looks. Some mornings I forget to comb my hair or I might run my fingers through my hair as I walk out the door. Sometimes my sunscreen is splotched on my face or neck. It is just not important. Occasionally I get a glimpse of myself in a window or even on my computer screen if the light is right. I actually have enjoyed exploring and releasing this part of my ego. I think it would be a good exercise for all of us. This is yet another way this country has taught me about what is important in life.